


Dear Hypocrite

by Comicfan



Series: Unsent [1]
Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 00:53:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17478173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Comicfan/pseuds/Comicfan
Summary: It's taken awhile but Jason has decided to offically move on from the family. But he's going to get some things off of his chest even if it's only in a letter.Spoilers for Red Hood and the Outlaws, Heroes in Crisis, Nightwing and TT.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's stuff in canon that I feel won't be properly addressed if at all. I have a strong suspicion editorial won't let it be addressed. Because Bruce acting extreme is usually brushed over.

To whom it may concern,

I have my doubts that anyone will bother to read this but I need to write it to move on with my life. I've finally accepted the fact this "family" you claimed I was a part of was always a lie. A dangling carrot that would be teased to make me toe the line. I guess when you want to believe something bad enough you'll willingly ignore the warning signs. And hey I know I've always eventually settle for less, I'm used to working with what little I'm given. I just can't do it anymore and not just because you kicked me out of the family.

Yeah, we tried to pretend otherwise when we last met but that's what you did when you exiled me from my home. I can almost hear your rebuttal, the all too familiar denial. Then what would you call it, Bruce? What would you do to me if I return? Will you go even further this time and cripple me? Would that help your conscience to know your pet psychos are safe from me and you get to remain on that absurd moral high ground? How many people have died because your sense of superiority meant more than innocent lives? 

Say what you will about my methods (I've heard it all even when all of you think I can't hear you) but I'm willing to make sacrifices. Ones that always weigh heavy on me but I do because no one else will. I'm curious if you keep track of how many people have died because both you and your broken system fail to act. I have. I suppose those lives aren't worth as much to you.

I sure as hell know my wellbeing is a cheap commodity you're willing to sacrifice without hesitation. Where's your ethical outrage when it's you lashing out and on someone who's barely fighting back? Bet you never hit any of them like you hit me. Tell me I'm wrong. Oh, you must think that everything you do is perfectly reasonable. Funny how the scales of right and wrong always balances in your favor no matter how far you go. Maybe it's the brain damage talking but I seem to recall you lecturing about excessive force. Weird how that's wrong to use on criminals but okay when when it's used on me.

Speaking of brain damage it seems like you neglected to mention something when you told me about Roy. If we were ever actual family it would have been nice to know Dick had been shot. Or that he had a serious memory loss. Still I get it, you didn't want me to be around him. To be fair I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want to see me regardless. The night everything went to hell Dick and the rest of your good little soliders steered clear of us. They all chose their side when they didn't bother to stop you. I can't say I'm shocked, not once did I entertain the possibility of it turning out any other way...still it hurt.

I just know where I stand with all of you now. No more false promises just a clear statement that even I can't deny anymore.

If it was any of them that night instead of me? It would have been different. You would have given them the same courtesy you give your worst enemies. You would have demanded a motive, some explanation for what changed. I bet you **still** don't know why I did it and the truth is...it doesn't matter. You don't care why. You said as much in your warning, right? I told Kate that I did it because I was mad. A better reason than the B.S. one you gave me for why she was accepted back and why I couldn't be. But you admitted at the diner that I didn't techically break your rule where she did. Yet I was still kicked to the curb. I get it though, the real reason things are different. She is your cousin by blood, I'm just someone that kept on turning up like a bad penny. 

Still, if you gave a damn I know you'd act like an actual detective. You'd ask the obvious questions, the whys and wheres. You don't want any answers though, you just want me gone.

Roy told me Sanctuary was a "rehab for capes" but I did find a few things odd about the place once I did a little digging. Do you know what the weirdest part was? I mean this was just the oddest thing. I'm not sure if Roy knew at the time, he seemed to have heard about it from another Titan. If not then he would have gotten a kick out of this. But gosh, who knew **_you_** not only funded the place but you were also a founder! It's what, five years old? Gee, it sure seems like a neat way to help people with trauma that would help vigilantes address those darn problems normal people just wouldn't understand. If only there was something like that around for me instead of Arkham, then surely you could make good on your promise to help me.

Wait, was that you? No, I must be thinking about someone else. I mean if it was I would have been sent to Sanctuary. Right, right. My mistake, it's only for **heroes** and I don't fit the bill.

...But for some reason a murderous clown and a plant terrorist do? They get an invite to your exclusive "heroes only" club? 

Every excuse you ever gave me falls apart with this, Bruce. There is no way to frame this that doesn't show how full of it you are. You would rather see me broken by your own hands and locked up with my own murderer than attempt to help me. I always figured you only took me in as a charity case and this only proves my point. You claimed you didn't hate me at the diner but what else can you call this? How can this be anything besides hatred and spite?

Tell me again that I don't understand, Bruce. Explain why it's just me. Why it's **_always_** just me and not the lunatics you coddle?

Did you enjoy hitting me until I couldn't move and dragging my bloody body across the rooftop?

Were you hoping for me to break your rules in order to give you the excuse you needed? Why? No one would have stopped you. They sure as hell never bothered to practice what they preach when I'm around. If other heroes knew about Sanctuary they clearly had no intention of telling me. Not even Wonder Woman or Superman.

Not that I should complain, Roy did ask me if I wanted to go with him. Sure that would have solved your problem of dealing with me but at least I avoided your little murder den. Come to think of it I guess you don't have the moral high ground anymore. I know security was what you were in charge of. This is what, the third or fourth time you screwed up your own plans so badly you put others in danger? More than that?

What's it like having blood on your hands, Bruce?

Your incompetence got them killed and now the secrets they trusted you with are getting out. The Daily Planet won't be the last paper to drag the victims through the mud. Are you going to be held responsible for this? If this was a **_legal_** and _**certified**_ center all of you would be sued and brought up on charges. It's really convenient how it's fine when you decide which rules to break. I shot a monster that happily took lives for his own gain, yet he lived. Your carelessness sent several traumatized heroes to an early grave after apparently giving them insanely unhealthy "therapy" sessions. And you have the nerve to condemn me for my actions?

Are you going to turn yourself in? Or is this going to be another time you're the exception to your own rules? I know my opinion never meant a damn thing to you but try that with the victims families. Do you really think that Queen and Allen will let that crap fly? Do you think Iris West won't see how badly you screwed up?

This is what you wanted, right? For me to let my feelings out?

Everyday when Roy helped me recover from what you did he preached healthy behavior. Breaking out of destructive patterns and the like. While you acted like you did nothing wrong at the diner Roy had known better. He tried to help me while you just went on with your life without a backwards glance. 

Kate thought I could and should make amends with you. I'm not going to do that. You don't change, you don't compromise. Someone else has to bend til they break for you. That's why Gotham keeps getting worse. That's why this "family" doesn't work for me. It never did, not really, which is why I looked for my mom. I guess I just needed that hope back then. I needed something I couldn't find at the manor.

When I came back into the fold I'd overhear Dick and Tim mention family portrait sittings I was never asked to attend. I would only be asked to join in on missions to be extra muscle. Family meals were excuses to discuss battle plans. Every opportunity I had to make it more personal became awkward. Eventually I got the memo and stopped trying. At Kate's trial all the happy bonding stopped dead the moment I arrived. Even **_Tim_** couldn't understand why I was there. Maybe we were never as close as I thought.

Even before the shooting I realized none of you would ever be the family I wanted. There was always a distance with me that the rest of you never shared with each other. I knew my mistakes couldn't be forgiven, so I had accepted my place. What other option did I have? But I found something better where there were no restraints on affection. Where I could be accepted unconditionally. With people that didn't judge me every single time we talked. That was what I **needed**.

But for so long I figured that's just the way it was supposed to be between us. I didn't think I deserved better from the others or you. You have no idea how tired I am of it all. How exhausting it is to constantly be leaping through the same hoops with nothing to show for it.

I truly realized how messed up things were with us--besides you beating me bloody--when I saw the Su sisters. You probably heard of them, right? They run their crime organization overseas. Suzie held a hospital hostage in Gotham right before the Talons first attacked. I killed her. She came back to life. Ring any bells? Anyway, they all hate their sister Suzie, that's just common knowledge. 

What confused the hell out of me was when all of her sisters came together to defend her. I just couldn't understand why any family would protect their black sheep and the youngest had to explain it to me. How they would always be willing to fight to the death for her even if they hate each other. That's just so weird. I still have trouble wrapping my head around that one.

I've been so busy accepting the fact that I always ruin everything between us that I never thought it wasn't the norm. We both know that the Su's type of bond has never been the case with us. The others will act like I just don't ask for help but when I really need it? Their turn a blind eye, they proved it already. None of you are the family I need you to be. I know I don't deserve it. I know that I'll never be who you wanted me to be. So it's time for me to finally let go.

Looks like you're finally getting rid of me for good. Congratulations.

You can keep going on pretending the boy in the case never returned and I wouldn't be around to ruin that fantasty. As for me...well that's another chapter you'll never really know. Have a good life, Bruce. Try not to push everyone so hard. Everyone has their limits.

 

Jason Todd

 

Putting down the sheet of paper Jason took a deep calming breath and stilled his shaking hands. Was it really worth sending a letter that no one would even bother to read? 

What was it Roy used to say?

"Grant me the serenity to except the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." Jason recited in a dull tone.

He might be too screwed up to fix himself but it was time to make some changes. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason briefly writes about his last meetings with the Waynes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing about Event Leviathan here.

Once more Jason was alone with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. He hadn't sent the letter, his temper burned bright but he hadn't felt the desire to mail it after he reread it the second time. Rather than be consumed by the not so recent past Jason took a pen and wrote another letter.

Hey Bruce,

I know you're mad at me and I don't make it any easier. I guess it's a talent of mine to always make things worse. Not that I regret what happened with Penguin but it's amazing how far things have gone in such a short time. How one action is the start of a snowball effect that spirals out of control. Even though I'm responsible for a lot of it I can't seem to stop it from getting worse. It's probably the same with you after you once again pushed everyone away to prevent yourself from being hurt. I tried that but I suppose my need for others prevents me from following through. I never seek out team members, it just sort of happens. Maybe you know what that's like too ?

I did try to reach out to Damian though, I was under the mistaken belief that I could be the person he needed. Someone that didn't judge him and understood why he made certain choices. I mean why not? Dick isn't there for him anymore and it's not like you're willing to get over yourself enough to be a parent for him. You're ignoring him because you two don't see eye to eye when you should be trying to fix things. Maybe that's because unlike me Damian won't compromise ? We all know you won't.

I know what it's like to be left to my own devices when I need something to ground me. As for my more selfish motive for helping him ? I thought it would be nice to get along with the kid and have a brother I could help without being lectured. Crazy, right ?

I knew Damian didn't like me, he barely tolerated me most days but I thought it would be different this time. But despite your differences you two really have a lot in common, Bruce. Neither of you ever trusted me. I'm just a convenient scapegoat for everyone.

Sure you'd swear up and down that you did before I "betrayed" you. Yet you never really let me back into the family. I was legally dead and you weren't willing to lift a finger to undo it. Instead I was left to fend for myself in the shadows unable to live my life because it inconvenienced yours. Everyone else that "died" was brought back into the fold without any hesitation. Why couldn't you just admit that you never trusted me enough to allow me to come back in to the public eye ? You were afraid what I'd do sure but it was mostly about keeping me under your thumb. My happiness was never important enough to factor in. I was nothing more than an attack dog to be "rewarded" with scraps of family moments in between missions and threatened with the kennel if I stepped out of line.

Was my life nothing but a game to you, Bruce ? With you having all the power and me having to follow your orders or I'd have everything taken away again ? I know it's not much to begin with but you've treated enemies with more compassion. I'm still not sure if you would do the same to the others or if you never tried because they would never let you. They would have each others backs. I never saw many options, it was either comply to remain family or being left in the dust again.

At least Damian was honest enough to tell me to my face that he didn't trust me. We worked together for awhile but in the end it didn't mean as much to him. I endured a lot of his hits before because I didn't want to hurt a kid. I wish I could say our last encounter was the same but I snapped. It was stupid to think that maybe Damian had cared enough to offer his condolences or wanted to let me know Roy died himself. I guess I expected too much from him.

I was exhausted from days of going nonstop so it never occurred to me until it was too late that he was there for a fight. The kid is slipping in his detective work, he's gotten lazy but it still surprised me that he'd let his dislike of me override common sense. Just like his dad Damian wouldn't stop and did his best to try to break me. He used every underhanded trick he could to weaken me. Slinging insults and making threats to imprison me. I gotta admit he reminded me a little too much of you. The idea of another Wayne coming after me wasn't exactly pleasant.

And when I saw the box...it was all too much.

I know what he was trying to do but it makes me wonder how common place his way of thinking is in the family. I've heard some things when no one else thought I was around but thought it could be worse. Damian always mocked my death and our relationship. I know part of it is due to his own issues with you. I know that. Still...some of it has to of come from you, right? It has always been easier for you to talk ill of me than it is with the others. Remember when you visited me in the office? Be honest Bruce...have you ever insulted any of their intelligence or called them crazy? Yeah, I don't think so.

I knew you'd be mad and yeah, part of me enjoyed that. Seeing you so furious because I dared to forge a life of my own without your permission? I'd be lying if I said I didn't like turning the tables on you. Knowing that for once I had outsmarted you and there was nothing you could do about it. I can't tell you how liberating it is to finally feel like I have some control over my own life. Not enough to feel like I have a solid life but it's something. Are you going to visit, Bruce? I could almost see you coming in as Matches or yourself to pester me. Almost.

Why did you show up at all, Bruce? Did it occur to you before you arrived that by undoing my legally dead status everyone would be aware of our connection? If not I must really be pissing you off to the point you can't function rationally. If you did realize it...then why did you come? To treat me like your lunatics and attempt to put the fear of god into me? I think that's what happened because you followed most of your textbook fear tactic to the letter. You let me know your Batwing was in front and kicked in the door from behind. The only difference was in the way you let your rage bleed into your voice and color your words. Just like that night on the roof.

Sometimes I think you're spying on me. I can't help but wonder what that says about us. That the only interest you have shown in my life outside your mission is because you see me as another enemy, or that I might just be imaging it all. In my defense I'm not really used to the attention. Yeah, I know that sounds silly since I announced my existance to all of Gotham. It's the truth though, I was always the one everyone ignored on the streets. Even at your galas I was forgotten when I wasn't by your side. Only asked to join in the good fight as extra muscle. Being in the spotlight is weird, another reason in a long list for why I don't fit in your world.

All I want is to be my own person and I can't be sorry for that. What I'm doing is far too important to care about my image. What's the point when everyone has already decided what to think of me?

I'm so damn tired of this, Bruce.

 

 

 

Jason dropped his pen and decided to end his venting for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason wants to talk about what's happening to him, he really does, but how would he even explain it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on the idea that Ducra and Essence think something bad is happening to Jason because of his soul/resurrection.
> 
> If I do updates they won't be for awhile since I'm referencing canon. While Event Leviathan does have more drama with Bruce and Damian accusing Jason I'll wait to at least the next issue.

"Bruce"

I tried to write letters before but never pulled the trigger (so to speak) by actually mailing them. As much as I'd love to end this repetitive dance I don't see much point in you reading what I have to say. I half expect you to burn anything with my handwriting on it out of spite. You'd probably see it and assume I just wanted to gloat because you never could give me much credit. The other half of me thinks you might read everything but still wouldn't get what I'm trying to say. At most you'd assume I was exaggerating about the way I've been treated. That's why I've given up on even trying to explain myself to you, I already know it's a waste of time. All of your opinions of me were made up a long time ago. 

So this is just for my benefit, call it my therapy or just screaming into the void. In a way it's not much different than talking to you in person, your capacity for listening is about the same. But here I go anyway, because why not? This might sound like a dumb question given the lives we lead but have you ever felt like your days were numbered? I felt like that when I first returned, I thought there had to be a reason for me to be brought back. That maybe I had to be avenged to finally rest in peace. Now I know that I'll never find peace, Bruce. Not just because my killer is allowed to live since you'll protect him. Something is wrong, I can feel it in my bones and I don't know how to stop it. I'm not even sure if I should.

I don't know if you would understand if I attempted to explain it to you. We all know there are topics you refuse to discuss. Even writing this out and knowing you'll never read this I still find it hard to articulate. There are some things I can't say too. That makes what I'm dicussing more difficult. It's terrifying to think of especially since I'm not sure what is going to happen. I think you'd find it irrational to fear something I have no physcial evidence of.

(Not that it stopped you from jumping to your own conclusions. Just saying.)

It's mostly a feeling I have that something bad is happening. I might die but that's not what scares me the most. After I came back Talia introduced me to this teacher that had faith in me when I lost it in myself. At least that was what I thought back then, maybe she never believed in me. She sent someone else I cared about after me, they both think I need to be stopped. They see something inside of me that frightens them. It's not the first time that's happened either, Talia was unnerved by me too. I saw her expression right after I took a dip in the pit. Have you ever seen the daughter of the demon freak out, Bruce?  I have because I was the cause of it.  

I have my own theories that I never told anyone about. It's not a subject I like to dwell on for long but I know something is wrong. I don't think there's a scientific explanation for it that could give you the answers you'd want. Besides returning as an undead freak of nature I might be racing against the clock before I'm...gone. I know I'm not evil nor am I good. Yet this change that came with my resurrection is affecting my soul. Something is wrong with it, I know it. As idiotic as that may sound to you maybe on some level you knew I came back wrong. That might be why you could never trust me. I don't know if I'm just trying too hard to rationalize your behavior. For all I know you always felt I was untrustworthy.

Despite it all I still got my revenge on Cobblepot without killing him. I took away his empire, the only thing that really matters to him. It wasn't without it's costs, someone else wrote me off as a lost cause. I did manage to make one family happy but is that enough? Only one person encouraged me throughout this whole thing and I never bothered to learn his name. You'd call that reckless and wouldn't understand why I'd do that. Simple, it's easier not to get close. I know I get attached too easily. With the family, Kori, Roy, Artemis and Bizarro. Now one way or another all of you are gone.

I used to love Gotham now all I see is the flaws. There's no hope in Gotham, just broken promises used to lure in suckers. Speaking of which I really should tell you about the offer Lex Luthor made me. You know, I wish I could see your expression because I know it would be hilarious. I might write about it sometime especially since I was cast in the role as teacher. If nothing else it should be fun and I can could do with a change of pace.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a bad night Jason unloads some of his stress in a letter.

Bruce,

I know everyone thinks that I dwell on the past far too much. Gotta love that pot/kettle irony, but no, I don't built shrines for old failures. I try to keep moving forward, I've been trying ever since Kori saved me. In a lot of ways I was retricted, by you--by myself--but I don't just roll over. I keep myself busy and focused on the present to the best of my ability. Sometimes...I'm not allowed to forget. Bad memories pop up and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I relive the worst moments of my life or I get dragged down by other things. I've managed to adapt to some of it, like being able to pick up a crowbar without breaking into a sweat. A small victory when new memories surface and I discover new problems. No matter what I do I can't escape the nightmares. The latest had nothing to do with my death though, it was centered around the family.

I'll spare you the details but it was enough to keep me up for the rest of the night.

Now? You probably can tell by the penmenship that my hands can't stop shaking. I spent an hour in the gym trying to get it out of my system but I'm still pissed. I can't stop thinking about it, about all of you and the flow of thoughts that comes with that baggage.

I find myself furious at Alfred for always putting your welfare above all else, at our expense. Usually I'd feel bad for thinking such things about him but that guilt will come later. Right now I'm in no mood to excuse anyone's actions, even Alfred's. For years he's gone on about us needing each other, how we're family. Yet when I need any of you? None of you are ever there for me. Alfred hasn't attempted to make contact since that night, neither has Tim.

The only communication I've had has been news of Roy's death and false accusations.

Well, maybe that wasn't the _only_ contact.

There was a call for a "family meeting" but there's no way I'm letting myself be surrounded by all of you. Assuming that wasn't a trick, it's curious how these gatherings work. I'm expected to drop everything and coming running like usual? After everything? But it doesn't seem to work the other way around.

So much for "family", huh?

I never fit with you guys even in the early days. I think everyone knew it and no one expected me to be around for long. Alfred didn't even bother to give me a room of my own until Dick crashed for the night. I guess we all knew on some level that I didn't belong in the manor. Sometimes I wonder if there's anywhere I truly belong anymore. Comes with the territory when you tend to burn bridges and came back as little more than a zombie.

I think I might be getting stressed out over this teacher gig Luthor gave me. Wondering if I can actually help anyone. I don't have a positive effect on most people. I tried to help Miguel--Bunker--but I only ended up letting him down. It's the one constant with me, right old man? Awhile back I was deluded enough to feel pity for Joker's Daughter. You know how that ended. Damian tried to imprison me as soon as he could pin something on me.

What made me think I could be a teacher? 

At first I was amused that Lex Luthor even picked me in his evil lottery. Rumor has it that Riddler wasn't even deemed worthy enough to be on the list. From what I heard others have received some impressive tech, weapons and funds. I needed to be free of Gotham, then he showed up at the perfect time to used it to his advantage. I wanted to make a difference but we both know that never works out with me. Not that you exactly excel with kids but at least you never took on a class of Robins all at once.

Technically speaking I got the short end of the stick as far as offers go because I never wanted this responsibility. I get nothing out of this deal except extra stress. Going into this I don't have any great expectations to make these kids reform into heroes or take up early retirement to become productive members of society. My goal isn't as lofty as that, it's actual quite simple:

I want to make sure they don't die.

No one else cares about these kids. Their tools to Luthor, disposable chess pieces that could potentially become a force to be reckoned with. He loses nothing he values if the class fails and gains even more power if it succeeds. It's mostly a lose/lose scenario for me. I realize the odds are stacked against me. Even if I manage to actually do right by these kids then what? I just trained future super villains. 

Meta kids that all have something to prove and don't comprehend teamwork. I know all of you would find this ironic as hell. The _bad Robin_ teaching a class of trouble makers. Say what you will about me when I was Robin but at least I didn't go on about world domination and murder. You might want to get ready for that talk with Damian though. Just saying.

I'm already preparing for the worst because I know the chances of a happy outcome are slim. I don't want to become emotionally invested but I know I already am. I did accept the offer after all. I suspect Luthor threw me in the deep end partly for his own amusement. The information packet I was given for these kid wasn't extensive especially for some students. 

**Author's Note:**

> Certain things like Bizarro and Artemis aren't mentioned for a reason. Not only is this Jason venting his anger but he doesn't want to explain things Bruce should have asked about.
> 
> Likewise Jason's disgust and fear of Harley from the Suicide Squad arc isn't more present. If he had trouble explaining why he feared her to Artemis I can't see him telling Bruce. Not in this situation. But he is livid that she got to go to Sanctuary while he was going to be sent to Arkham.
> 
> Jason mentioning past screw ups is a nod to things like Omac Project, Tower of Babel, etc. I'm not sure what is canon.
> 
> Yes, the backwards glance part is there for irony since Jason doesn't realize Bruce looked in the rear view mirror.


End file.
